Saying Grace

When I look back over my life, I am surprised to realize how many years I have spent as a student. . . . K-12, 4 years of college, 6 years of masters-level work, 9 years on my doctoral studies. For almost half my life I identified as a student, and I can now add 11+ years as a teacher. I will hold my father partly responsible for my life-long focus because he constantly encouraged (and sometimes pushed) his five children to excel at school. Of course, the encouragement wouldn’t have stuck with me if I hadn’t experienced the joy of successful learning.

And here we are near the start of another academic year at UDTS. I say “near the start” because most of our students have already taken courses during the August residency. During our two weeks together, the new students express such an interesting combination of nervousness and enthusiasm while the returning students seem like old-hands at navigating the intense schedule of classes, worship, meals, studies, and field trips.

 

At this time of year, my thoughts often settle on departures and arrivals: we said fare-well to graduating students in May and then welcomed new students in August. Earlier in the summer, I had spent some “quality time” in the International Terminal at O’Hare Airport while waiting for my luggage to catch up to me. I started out near the departure gate, observing many long hugs, some teary faces, and anxious goodbyes as the passenger began their travels into the security area.

After about an hour, British Airways told me that my bag would be waiting for me downstairs at the arrivals lobby. The scenes just outside these doors showed different emotions: relief, laughter, and tears of joy. I saw smiles, balloons and flowers, and many selfies being taken.

So when I decided to preach on the story of Abram and Sarai leaving Haran (Genesis 12), I had these kinds of travels in mind. But of course, our ancestors in faith had far more and complicated difficulties than passing through U.S. Customs (although that is difficult for some). In fact, Abram and Sarai shared many of the same problems–political pressures, economic failures, military violence, famine and drought, dealing with unknown languages, customs, and cultures–faced by modern-day refugees and immigrants. It’s very appropriate to think of Abraham and Sarah as immigrants for their whole lives. (You can listen/watch the whole sermon starting at around 11:20 on this video). 

Refugees of war and natural disasters are uprooted overnight with no idea of where they will go. Desperate people try to cross the U.S.-Mexican border in the desert, or they flee war-ravaged Syria by boat across the Mediterranean, leaving their possessions and familiar lives behind. Like Abraham and Sarah, their journey is full of danger and misery, even as it’s fueled by the hope of something new and better.

I have never had to suffer from this kind of travel. But I believe the Holy Spirit wants me and those in my situation to imagine what these immigrant experiences might be like for other human beings. So I have listened to the stories of the journeys from people I know.

• I have met UDTS seminary students who have found the U.S. to be a refuge from violence: Ekram Kachu from Sudan, Paul Both from South Sudan, Gilo Agwa from Ethiopia.
• I sit with Blanca, a member of my church, who came to the U.S. illegally after being sexually assaulted by family members.
• I listen to my doctor of ministry student Rev. Benjamin Sang-Bawi from Myanmar, who tells me the joys and concerns about pastoring the Carson Chin Baptist Church (immigrant Burmese) in Columbus Junction, Iowa.

My world has expanded because these brave believers have shared their stories of immigration and God’s faithfulness to them.

At the very least, no matter what we think about the politics of the situation on our southern border and the rhetoric in the news, I am convinced that we need

• To respect each desperate immigrant as a child of God.
• To imagine the emotional distress of these fellow human beings.
• To connect with their experiences of dislocation, fear, insecurity, and the unknown by remembering our own similar experiences.

In reality, we are all sojourners, immigrants, strangers in a strange land. We are all on journeys through different and sometimes frightening places. We bump up against new languages and odd foods. We have conflicts over different opinions and behaviors. Worse than that, we encounter people who intentionally, or maybe unintentionally, shame us or even harm us. In all these situations, we find courage when we look to Jesus, who walked this same earthly journey, an immigrant from heaven, a stranger in a strange land.

 

In June, I was lucky enough to participate in a conference at the Centre for Biblical Studies in Cluj, Romania. The papers we presented will be revised and published in a volume of The Bible and Women series, translated into German, Spanish, Italian, and English. I’ll tell you a bit more about this event later.

Although Romania was never on my list of must-see places to visit, I do very much enjoy traveling, and especially to international meetings of New Testament scholars. After receiving the invitation last fall, I did a quick Google search of birding spots in Romania. Highlights included the Danube Delta Biosphere Reserve and the Carpathian Mountains.  Since many of the most exciting and joyful activities of our marriage have involved birding, Tim agreed we should look into the options for a birdwatching tour of Romania.

We were fortunate to locate Neophron Tours, with Dimiter Georgiev its managing director. Like most birding guides, Dimiter has an encyclopedic memory of bird identifications, their special habitats, flight patterns, nesting habits, and varieties of songs and calls. He ably led us on our search for 160+ species of birds, on the water and the shore, in fields and steppes, in the air and high in the mountains.

As you may know, birdwatching is a soul-restoring activity for me. On this trip, I thoroughly relaxed from the mental and emotional intensities that come at the end of the academic year. A 3-day boat trip through the Danube Delta brought the gentle rocking of the boat, the lapping of wavelets on its sides, a persistent breeze, the bright sun, and the silence of my companions as we listened for birds. Need I say that many naps were taken?

Late one day, we putted slowly across a lake area dotted by large numbers of lily pads with white and yellow flowers. These pads supported the nests of Common Terns and Black-necked Grebes, along with any number of croaking green frogs. The motor turned off, we drifted along, very close to the birds who were not that alarmed.

Then, at the other side of the lake, I  saw an activity I had heard about but never observed: the mating dance of two Great Crested Grebes. The birds approach each other, necks bending and bowing , forehead and “ear” feathers fanned out, entranced with each other, then swimming or diving away. It was magic. A miracle. A solace. A delight. A sign of God’s presence.

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I suspect most of you have seen enough Romanian birds now, so I’ll get back to the scholarly conference. Other delightful experiences awaited me there, including:

• engaging conversations with Professor Korinna Zamfir, of Babes-Bolyai University in Cluj, the organizer of the meeting;
• delicious meals with Professors Angela Standhartinger and Marianne Bjelland Kartzow whose writings on the Pastoral Letters have enriched my own; and,
• lively discussions about early female deacons, graduate students, and the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” with Professor Ekaterini Tsalampouni of Aristotle University of Thessaloniki.

My assigned topic was “Mothers in the New Testament Letters.” I felt a bit daunted to tackle this topic because there aren’t very many “real” mothers mentioned in these letters. I wondered what I would talk about. Here’s a paragraph that describes my dilemma:

Like all of you, I have had my own particular experience of being mothered. My mother was a married White college-educated woman, who liked to sew, lead our Girl Scout troops, and teach kindergarten. During the 1950s and 60s, we lived in a mostly White, American, middle-class very small town in a farming region. Years later, I had married and moved to Chicago, and I became a mother myself, giving birth to two infants. I snuggled and breastfed them, cleaned and clothed them. As they grew, I provided for their economic and social needs, for their educational and religious training. And now I support them as adults who are parenting their own funny, delightful, and sometimes irritating children. I have been in a mothering role for nearly 40 years. I could talk for a long time about my regrets and delights in being a mother (and so could my children and spouse). My personal experience serves to remind me of how little we actually know about the mothering accomplished by women in the Roman Imperial world.

When a scholar sits in their study, researching and writing a paper alone, it can be hard to imagine the audience who will listen to and interact with their thoughts. One worries that the paper will receive highly-critical questions or perhaps extremely bored indifference. (Academics [even those studying the Bible] can be very competitive and ambitious!) I’m glad to say that the scholars and papers at this conference were welcomed with generous attention along with insightful additions to their arguments.

So, these are a few of my summer encounters: birds and feminist biblical scholars. Actually, when I think about it, what could be more restorative?

 

 

I began preaching once a month when I was called to serve as associate pastor at LaSalle Street Church (Chicago) in 1989.

Let it be known that I have never taken a course in homiletics. The grace of God and the generous attention of those people formed me as a preacher.

Not only did I lack training in preaching, I had also never taken a course in biblical exegesis. By trial and error, I learned how to study a text, and then how to express some true and important things about it that might be helpful to the spiritual growth of other people. Again, the grace of God.

My ignorance and inexperience led me back to school about twenty years after my first sojourn at seminary (see my November 2017 blog post).  This time I discovered  McCormick Theological Seminary in Chicago.

Thinking I might like to work on a Doctor of Ministry degree,  the plan was to take enough masters-level courses (especially in biblical studies) to supplement my earlier, shorter degree and go on to the DMin.

Twenty years before, my first seminary experience was full-time and residential. Now  I was part-time commuter student. I registered for a fall course called “The Letters of Paul” and drove down to Hyde Park for the first day of class. Walking through the lower-level of the building, I saw a woman somewhat frantically making multiple copies on different colors of paper. Turned out this was my professor, Dr. Margaret M. Mitchell, and she was assembling the 20+ syllabus for our class that met just about 15 minutes later.

After maybe two class sessions, my brain was on fire, and in a good way. We delved into Paul’s writings in ways that:

• positioned the letters in the Roman Imperial context;
• made clear his sometimes contentious relationships with the recipient churches;
• explained some of Paul’s more confusing images and theology; and,
• connected the students with strong research about ancient literature and rhetoric.

I was enthralled by Professor Mitchell’s extensive knowledge of Greek and Roman philosophy, archaeology, history, and art. Her enthusiasm energized the lectures and discussions.

Every day I found new ideas to ponder about these letters . . . deeper interpretations that made their way into my sermons and teaching. I just love this about theological education–those opportunities for integrative learning that benefit leaders, churches, and missions.

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I registered for my next course at McCormick, during Winter Quarter 1996: “The Book of Job,” instructor Dr. Theodore Hiebert. What a contrast in teachers, topics, and learning strategies! Ted’s syllabus was exactly one page long, on white paper, an example of the openness of his pedagogy. I think our first assignment might have been to write an essay about a personal experience of Job-like suffering, when life felt unfair, God seemed absent, and hope was exhausted. At the end of each class, Ted would organize the next session, asking “Who would like to present on C. S. Lewis’s A Grief Observed?,” “or “. . .  Bill McKibben‘s The Comforting Whirlwind?” “Which two of you want to respond?” Throughout this seminar, we students developed deep respect for each other, and, I at least, gained an enduring affection for the book of Job.

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My four years of part-time study at McCormick focused on these and other delightful instructors: Sarah Tanzer, Robert Brawley, David Esterline, Paula Hiebert. And they brought another turn in my journey: following their examples, I gradually discerned a call to a teaching ministry in biblical studies. I switched my course of study to an MA, and immersed myself in Greek and Hebrew. With their support, I applied to doctoral programs in my late 40s, so that, by the grace of God again, they became my colleagues in this academic mission.

Once again, theological education changed my life, this time through these professors who labor in that field out of love for the scriptures and for those students preparing for ministry.

 

Although I’m a committed book-reader, I still manage to watch several shows each week through Netflix, Prime, and Acorn services. I even follow a couple shows on prime-time TV. I could tell you that these shows are my “guilty pleasures,” except that I don’t feel any guilt (or shame) at all about spending my time this way. In fact, sometimes I find God there. And I see other people searching for God, or expressing faith, or trying to align their lives in response to a personal challenge that has spiritual or moral dimensions.

On CBS, for example, “Madam Secretary” features a US Secretary of State whose husband is a Catholic moral theologian (and a spy). Hardly an episode goes by without a mention of Thomas Aquinas or the application of Christian ethical analysis to a contemporary political situation. This is the influence of writer Joy Gregory, who brings her Catholic background and her interest in people of faith to bear on each episode.

“The Crown” series on Netflix depicts the reigns of Queen Elizabeth II, with a touching portrayal of the religious devotion she brought when she was first crowned, as well as a scene or two with Rev. Billy Graham. While these may not be factually accurate, they help the viewer reflect on the depth of Elizabeth’s commitment in her leadership role. The character certainly understands her ascension to the throne as a godly act.

It was surprising to hear a quotation from the Bible in a sermon given by the Rev. Paul Coates (played by Arthur Darvill) in the final episode of the BBC’s “Broadchurch” season 2. To a community filled with fear, sadness, and anger after a vicious murder committed by one of their own, the priest says: 

 “There’s a line from Hebrews [10:24-25c] echoing through my head: ‘Let us all consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Not giving up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another . . . .’ Now I hope that even without me here you will go on encouraging one another. All any of us really want are love and good deeds.”

A bit simplistic, but a lovely way to interpret the scripture for a particularly difficult (fictional and cinematic) context.

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I skimmed through Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up a couple years ago but never used her process with my own possessions. My initial reaction to her idea that a piece of clothing, artwork, or book should “spark joy” seemed just silly to me.

Then I watched the first episode of her new Netflix reality show “Tidying with Toddlers,” and I was struck by the gentle but firm spirit with which she engages the family. As she found a place to kneel in silence, eyes closed, thanking the home for its sheltering of the family, I felt the holiness of the moment through the screen. The parents teared up as they too sat silently, remembering the ideals and hopes for their life together in that home. Something shifted in their relationship to each other, their children, and their domestic environment. The scene reminded me of my first attraction to our house and inspired a gratitude to God that its spaces that have been so hospitable for my family and friends over thirty-two years.

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Another show that I’ve touched base with is the 2018 version of Netflix “Queer Eye.” In Season 1, Episode 5, a “devoutly Christian father of six” living in Marietta, Georgia, is nominated for a makeover by the five gay men. While digging in a new vegetable garden with the nominee, star Bobby Berk bluntly asks him what he thinks about gays. The father says, “We are supposed to love everybody.” Bobby replies with his own story: he was raised in an Assembly of God congregation, went to church “every day of the week,” played in the praise band, attended youth group, etc., etc. But then the church’s judgments and preaching against homosexuality excluded him from that lifelong commune with God and with other believers. A heartbreaking moment for any Christian to watch.

This crucial issue of how churches relate to LGBTQ persons arises again in Season 2, Episode 1 “God Bless the Gay.”

This time the five hosts drive to Gay, Georgia (population 89, and yes, the town name does not go unmentioned) in order to meet Ms. Tammye Hicks. She’s asked them to finish up a renovation on her church’s community center, so Christian faith and practice take center place in this episode. On the drive in, the hosts discuss their personal history with church and with God, with both positive and negative experiences. I watched this episode last fall and I’m still impressed by their openness and vulnerability. And, if you’re looking for a sermon illustration about forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing, then the story of “Mama Tammye” and her family offers up real-life miracles.

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My son never tires of pointing out that I gravitate toward stories with happy — or at least, fairly resolved — endings: murder mysteries and makeovers, The Lord of the Rings and The Wizard of Earthsea, memoirs where the writer achieves some goal, or learns something new about themselves or others, or moves into the next stage of life with courage and good humor. I suppose that’s why I’m a teacher so that I can experience the joy of participating in the learning and growth of others. It’s also why I’m a believer in the movement of God’s Spirit, the one who seeks to bring wholeness to all creation.

 

 

 

 

 

The Church That Takes on Trouble

That’s the title of a 1976 book describing the ministry of LaSalle Street Church. I arrived there in 1979, and felt proud to be a member of a church that, like Jesus, was so engaged with the poor. Situated between Chicago’s Gold Coast and the notorious Cabrini-Green public housing projects, the Holy Spirit called us to organize particular ministries:

• a legal aid clinic
• counseling center with a sliding-fee scale
• after-school tutoring
• support for low-income seniors
• a Young Life program
• mixed-income housing development
• and other ways of meeting the needs of city people in the name of Christ.

I was reminded of this book by my pastor, Randall Blakey, this past Sunday. He mentioned the title in his sermon as a way of encouraging the congregation to move into another troublesome arena: hard conversations about race and equity in America.

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Yes, LaSalle Street Church is probably taking on more trouble by devoting eight Sundays this fall to talk about race.

In sermons, prayers, and community discussions, we’re considering the long-term consequences of the continuing segregation of the city of Chicago (see the report “A Tale of Three Cities” from the University of Illinois at Chicago).

We learned more about racial biases in the criminal justice system from the Rev. Dominique Dubois Gilliard, author of the book Rethinking Incarceration: Advocating for Justice That Restores.

We (speaking as a white person here) have been urged by Pastor Laura Truax to look at our own blindness about racial injustice by pondering Jesus’ statement to Nicodemus: “Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above” (John 3:3). What happens when we ask God to give us the vision to see both the realities of other people’s life experiences and the good and perfect divine will for human community?

On Sunday, Pastor Randall opened up the story of Jesus and the woman at the well in John 4, where the conversation begins with a statement of division due to longstanding racial prejudice, and ends with the goal of all participating in true worship in spirit and truth.  After worship, we met in small groups to talk about our own stories: when did we first become aware of racial differences, and how did we feel about that experience?

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Everyone knows this: personal, individual change is difficult, whether it’s a change in knowledge, attitude, habit, or behavior. I think this is also true: change in a whole church community is even more difficult, painful, and complicated.

While teaching a seminary class in August, I told a group of students that for the first time in over thirty years my church decided to change the times for Sunday worship and education. Everyone groaned loudly, and then laughed.  We church leaders all knew the kind of fallout from such a decision, from hurt feelings to lost members to unintended consequences for parking, worship planning, and coffee hour.

So imagine, in addition, the positive attitude, relational skills, and persistent faith one needs to participate in a two-month group conversation about race in America. I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually want my experiences at church to be very challenging, to make me feel uncomfortable, or to call me to deep repentance.

I usually would rather give thanks for God’s compassion, pray for sick relatives, and generally center my heart through the music and silence. Nowadays, I miss meeting with my adult ed group, our fellowship time has been cut in half, and I’m hurriedly steering my grandkids to Sunday School, while trying to be welcoming to strangers.

But after all that, I arrive at the church’s “Community Hour” discussion on race and equity. I learn so much from the sermons and presentations, share parts of my own story, and listen respectfully to my friends in Christ. Through these conversations God blesses and teaches me, and weaves my life together with the lives of others.

And the God of grace meets us there, and calls forth change . . . in my self, in my relationships, and, yes, even in the church.

Maybe you saw the results of a new study about people’s attitudes toward women’s ordination, described in the book She Preached the Word: Women’s Ordination in Modern America, by Benjamin R. Knoll and Cammie Jo Bolin.  Their conclusion, keeping it short and sweet: “It’s good for girls to see clergywomen at work” (article by Jana Riess on the Religion News Service website).

Knoll and Bolin state: “One of our most striking findings is that women who had female congregational leaders in their youth enjoyed higher levels of self-esteem as adults.”

This is satisfying news for those of us female clergy: simply being visible in our leadership roles has a beneficial effect on young women. Praise God.

The research reminded me of a story of my own:

In the summer of 2015, I was looking for a co-leader for a Doctor of Ministry cohort here at UDTS. The topic was something to do with families and faith, so I started a list of names of authors, professors, and pastors who had some church leadership experience and who would bring different gifts beyond my biblical studies knowledge.

Reading through The Christian Century I saw an ad for one of their columnists, the Rev. Carol Howard Merritt. The words “being church together,” “older and younger,” and “a particular generation” jumped out at me.

I did an internet search on Carol . . . an ordained PCUSA pastor, very appropriate for our seminary. . . . pastor at four distinct churches . . . . writer of two books about church communities. Sounded like a great possible team-teacher!

So I sent an email via her website: https://www.carolhowardmerritt.org/

Carol picks up her side of this story in a 2015 blogpost:

If you know me or have heard me speak, you’ve probably heard this story. I have told it hundreds of times. I grew up Southern Baptist and attended Moody Bible Institute. I felt a call to go into ministry, but I was frustrated because the only ministries that seemed open to me were teaching the women’s Bible study or playing the organ. I don’t know how to play the organ, and though I love teaching women’s Bible studies, my call felt broader. 

In my irritation, I would frequently talk with Sue Duffy. Sue was an elder at Fourth Presbyterian Church in Chicago. She was quadriplegic, so I often helped her with small things, like filling out tax forms or running to the drug store. Sue would laugh at the fundamentalist shenanigans, and she would always say, “Carol, it doesn’t have to be that way.”

Eventually, Sue encouraged me to go to a church with a woman pastor. I attended LaSalle Street Church, where I listened to a woman preach, and thought, There are no bolts of lightening piercing the sanctuary. The church is still standing. And, She’s a wonderful preacher! I can still recall a number of her sermons, decades later. As she preached, I slowly began to imagine that I could do the same thing. I realized that Sue was right. It didn’t have to be that way. There were other ways of being Christian, and so I began to grow into a broader understanding of being a Christian and my call as a pastor.

Fast forward, twenty-five years later.

I’m in my backyard on a beautiful summer day, writing this very story for my next book. My email notification pings and so I check it. It’s an email from a professor at Dubuque Theological Seminary, asking if I would like to teach a Doctor of Ministry course with her. She had been reading my column in the Christian Century, and thought that we would make a good team. Since the D.Min. is a practical degree, she wanted to teach the course with someone who has been a pastor more recently. Then she wrote that she hadn’t been a pastor for 20 years, since she served LaSalle Street Church in Chicago.

It was the very same Pastor Huizenga, who is now Dr. Annette Huizenga, an Assistant Professor of New Testament. 

This is one of those incredible coincidences in life. One that can give you goose-bumps, or boost your faith in the purposeful movement of God’s Spirit.

What makes it even more amazing to me is that I have absolutely no memory of even meeting Carol when I was a pastor at LaSalle Street Church. There were always a few Moody Bible Institute students who landed at our worship services each year. Maybe some of them were late for the service at Moody Bible Church, and our sanctuary was a few blocks closer. Or, since we had a reputation for being a bit edgy and “liberal,” some students came out of curiosity or rebelliousness. Our congregation was large enough that folks could come and go anonymously for months at a time, and I suspect that Carol was one of that crowd.

You never know. You’re never fully aware of who is observing you, as a pastor or as a Christian. That hard-to-reach, slouching teenager. A ragged wanderer seeking truth and mercy. Someone wounded by their experiences of church, but still yearning to answer the call of God in their life.